Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
