Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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