only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
