Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
