Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
