it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
