you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
