Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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