i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
