Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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