She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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