i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
