morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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