Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
