a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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