Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
