If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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