Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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