Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
