i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
