you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
