She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
