nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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