census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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