My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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