either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
