I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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