So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
