So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
