i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
