i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
