Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
