u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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