I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Small penises have feelings too.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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