and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
