I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
