Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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