My room smells like vodka and shame
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
