Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
