I want to make a zoo with you.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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