Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
