I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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