I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
