I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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