i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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