So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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