Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
