Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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