Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
