If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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